A Handsy Conflict
by Write-To-You
Summary: Ralph tries something on Caitlin. Barry doesn't take it particularly well. (AU where Iris and Barry aren't together and Julian never existed. Which is a really sad thought but it kind of has to be the case)


**Author's Note: WHAT IS UP WITH MY SHIPPING BRAIN?! First I'm all, Snowbert snowbert snowbert! Then I'm like, ooh, is Ralph a good match for Caitlin? And then I'm like I MISS SNOWBERRY!**

 **Sigh. Well, I guess I've learned the hard way just to roll with ships. So now I'm doing a Snowbarry story...?**

 **Okay, that last sentence made no sense. Let's just get on with the story, shall we?**

A sudden squeal broke the near silence of STAR Labs. Caitlin Snow leapt into the air and spun around.

Someone had just _slapped her in the butt_.

There were only 3 people in the room. Cisco, Barry and Ralph all stared at her as she glared at each of them in turn.

Cisco was halfway across the room. Unless he had suddenly developed super speed or the ability to open a breach _very quietly_ , it hadn't been him. Barry was closer, but Caitlin didn't think he would ever do something like that to anyone- much less her. He was looking at her now with faint concern, though there was a glimmer of humor in his eyes that gave her the feeling that he probably thought she had just seen a bug or something. Typical.

Ralph was the most obvious of the three. He was a womanizer and a disgusting guy who liked to objectify woman. He wasn't anywhere close to her, but with his new stretchy ability that didn't mean much. And the smirk he was wearing told all.

"Who just did that?!" Caitlin demanded.

"Did _what_ , Cait?" Barry asked, looking less amused and more concerned. "Nobody did anything."

"Somebody just- just- slapped by butt." Caitlin said, but even as she said it she felt her cheeks burn. Was she sure that that was what had happened? Had she just... well, she had no idea what else it could have been but all of the boys were giving her strange looks, and...

"Never mind." Caitlin muttered, turning, embarrassed, back to her desk to continue her work.

A couple minutes later, it happened again. "Look, whoever is doing that, would you cut it out?"

"Chill, Caitlin." Cisco said calmly. "Nobody's doing anything-"

"I'm sorry; would you be saying that if some guy kept putting his hand where it didn't belong?" Caitlin snapped. She was starting to feel really uncomfortable with this whole situation, especially because it didn't seem like anyone else was noticing anything.

Barry eyed Ralph. "Hey, man, if you're-'

"What are you looking at me for?" Ralph snapped defensively. "I didn't do anything. It could have been Cisco. Or you! Or no one at all!"

"Well, we all know that you have a bit of a track record-"

"Just because I'm not a boy scout doesn't mean that I'm going to go around touching-

She cut both of them off. "Just forget it. I don't know who's slapping my butt but it's wrong and if you could just cut it out that would be wonderful."

Barry and Cisco exchanged a look, and Barry backed off.

Ralph, being Ralph, was back to being strangely quiet. Caitlin knew it was him, but she wasn't one for open accusations, especially after it had been _her_ that opened up the idea that he had changed that past week.

Maybe as a crook... but not so much with his dealings with women.

2 minutes later, Caitlin felt a hand brush her butt again. Then it was suddenly gone and there was a loud thump, followed by a growl.

Caitlin spun around to find Barry at Ralph's neck, pinning him to the wall with his forearm. "Gotcha." He growled.

"Geez, man, let me go!" Ralph wheezed.

"No until you apologize." Barry said, even more dangerously. "No one does that, especially not to Caitlin."

"What, because she's your girlfriend or something?"

The Cortex went dead silent. Caitlin's face burned and she saw a look of panicked shock cross Barry's face. He abruptly dropped Ralph to the ground and took a step back like the other man had some sort of substance that was going to injure him if he got to close.

"Wh-wh-wh-wh-what?"

Ralph brushed himself off in a dignified way. "As if it isn't obvious that you like her." He said, rolling his eyes.

"He- _he what?!"_ Caitlin squeaked, looking like the offspring of a tomato and a fire hydrant. "Barry doesn't- he didn't- he doesn't-"

"I- I-" Barry choked out. Then he seemed to recover himself a bit. "This isn't about us! This is about you touching her in places where your hands don't belong."

"That's for me to decide." Ralph huffed.

"Excuse me!" Caitlin exclaimed. "That is for _me_ to decide, thank you very much! And I do not want your hands anywhere _near_ my butt!"

All of a sudden, Ralph's skinny, squishy hands were grasping her around the waist and dragging her toward him. Then he had threaded his fingers into her hair and kissed her.

Caitlin let out a muffled scream, struggling against him, but his body kind of just... smooshed around.

Then Barry had run foreword and grabbed her, punching the surprise Ralph squarely in the nose.

Ralph's face, like last time, caved in, covering Barry's hand. Barry began to vibrate his hand, like he was going to faze, and Ralph let out a yell of pain.

"Dude!" Cisco yelled. He had been standing in wide eyes silence up until that point, but now he ran foreword, and yanked Barry's arm away. "You're going to hurt him!"

"That's the _point_." Barry growled, but he let Cisco drag his hand out of Ralph's face.

Ralph crumpled to the Cortex floor, unconscious. His face was already beginning to turn black and blue. Caitlin averted her eyes, feeling a little guilty for not being at all regretful about what Barry had just done.

"Are you okay?" Barry asked her, concerned, turning her by the shoulders and keeping hold of them while he searched her face.

"I... yeah." Caitlin said, taking a steadying breath. "I'm fine. Thanks."

"Grab her a cup of water, Cisco." Barry ordered, leading Caitlin to a chair. She sank into it, her legs shaking a little.

Cisco hurried out of the room and Caitlin let out a breath. "I haven't had anyone kiss me like that since... the Everyman, really."

Barry's eyes bulged. Caitlin's eyes widened. They locked, and Barry opened and closed his mouth a few times. "The Everyman... the Everyman... the Everyman-"

"Kissed me, yes." Caitlin cut him off, feeling too anxious to wait for get his sentence out. "It was after he knocked you out-"

"Wait, so the Everyman kiss- kiss- _kissed you_ as- as _me_?!"

" _Yes_." Caitlin grit out. "Is it possible for you to make a full sentence when you're flustered?"

"I- _what_?" Barry gaped at her. "We're talking about someone who's not me kissing you as me and the fact that you never told me about someone who's not me kissing you as me. And you want to talk about my inability to make a full sentence?"

"It was actually okay that time." Caitlin muttered.

"The kissing? Or the sentence?"

"The sentence!" Caitlin clarified hurriedly. "But, I mean, the kissing wasn't bad either. It was worse when I found out it wasn't you bu-"

She broke off abruptly. Barry's eyes had gone wide again and she was sure her face looked like a tomato. Or maybe a prune. Or maybe a tomato prune.

"Wait. So does that mean that you- you- you-"

"SPIT IT OUT, BARRY!" Caitlin cried in exasperation. " _Yes_ , okay? Maybe I wanted to kiss you, just a little bit-"

Suddenly, for the second time that day, hands were on her waist and pulling her into the body they belonged to. But these hands were soft, gentle, and handled her like she was a precious old manuscript.

Barry lowered his mouth slowly on top of hers and Caitlin all but passed out.

"I _knew_ it!" Came the sudden exclamation.

Caitlin tore her mouth from Barry's, and both of them turned to see Ralph, sitting up and looking at them with a smirky grin on his face.

"Gee, Allen, if you had told me she was already taken, I wouldn't have tried to make a move." Ralph snorted, giving the two of them an appraising look over. "I've gotta admit it, though. You've got good taste."

Caitlin raised an eyebrow. "You call _that_ trying to make a move?"

Ralph shrugged, opening his mouth to make another dumb comment.

Barry grabbed Caitlin around the waist. "Let's get out of here." He whispered flirtatiously in her ear. "I still have to make up for those moments I lost when the Everyman was kissing you instead of me."

 **Author's Note: So that just kind of... happened. I'm not totally sure what that was...? It was kind of serious Ralph bashing and then we brought up 1x19... I got nothing.**

 **But, hey, I posted something Snowbarry and I haven't done that (like, not as SS2, I mean) in a long time, so there's that!**


End file.
